Lack of drive

3 11 2010

I was off today, didn’t really do anything of value, I turned really lazy as soon as I got back from going to the doctor with my parents…

I feel I have a serious problem with my lack of motivation to do anything lately, I just keep getting that feeling of negativity in the back of my mind, the ongoing question in the back of my head of “what is it I’m supposed to do in life and why?”

Sure I could follow the most common path of doing things in order to better myself which I do try but is it worth anything? the uncertainty of not knowing what the future has for me keeps me disinterested.

Seems like in most of our adult life we are just trying to fit in to the adult stereotype and I am not sure that’s the life for me.. go to school? sure why not but is schooling really gonna get me anywhere? being broke and not being able to afford decent schooling without getting in more debt just doesn’t seem like a smart choice, specially when I’m already in a big debt hole that i can’t seem to get out of and probably wont be for a few years.

My thoughts are… why try so hard if it really wont take me really far?

after all….   ……we are all gonna die some day.

That is all. Not emotional, just full of thought.

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